Genesisbunnies, ch 2 - Audience Nil

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Genesisbunnies, Chapter 2

Audience Nil

*****

"Wow..." Shanna began as their two Zoids stopped on a hill. "This village... it’s so massive. Its bigger then any place I have ever seen before."

Looking down at it, Rex didn't think that the town of Muddy Vale was that impressive. It was a mid-sized frontier community, surrounded by wooden post walls and thick jungle. It only existed because it was at a convenient crossroads for a mess of isolated communities and trade routes, while also serving as a base for the odd archaeological dig or Zoid-recovery expedition (When the two were often usually the same thing anyway).

On the other hand, there was a lot about his travelling companion of the last few hours that didn't seem to be right. As near as he could tell, she had just walked out of the jungle with a rather big and ominous-looking Zoid and proceeded to lay waste to a bunch of random raiders in a way that had moderately terrified him. The fact that he had no idea at all what she looked like didn't help matters at all. All he knew was that he was somewhat afraid of her, which was a good enough reason to play nice. Not only that, but he figured that, at the very least, she'd give him a little backup when he met... well, whoever it was he was after.

"Yeah, its okay, I guess." He replied.

"Do you think we'll find the men you're after down there?"

Rex considered this for a moment. The place was the biggest town around, and they had run off from him... he couldn't think of any other place they could be. And they were very unlikely to have headed off anywhere else. "I suppose so. Might as well go in and find out."

The two Zoids headed towards the town, casually walking in through the front gates and down the muddy path that passed for the main street. The buildings were ramshackle wooden constructions, seemingly thrown together haphazardly or at the last minute. Much of the town looked worn or run down, as if not much thought was put into looking after it. The people on the streets regarded their Zoids with casual indifference, the only attention they paid them was to step out of their way.

There were other Zoids about in the town, however. A pair of Connects scurried past them, their feet splashing through the mud as they ran. A battered Dimantis was parked nearby them, next to it an only slightly better looking Tarantulon. A tank drove past, dragging a pair of heavily-loaded trailers behind it.

"So many people... and Zoids..." Shanna began, an air of wonder in her voice. "I have never seen this many before, except when we meet another trabe."

"Well, get used to it." Rex commented. "This is civilisation."

"I have heard of civilisation." She explained. "But I have never seen it up close."

Rex rolled his eyes. This was going to go well.

The pair of them pulled their Zoids up in a vacant lot that had been given over to Zoid parking; as they pulled in, they were approached by men with stepladders to help them climb down from their massive machines, while another couple tied down the Zoid's feet with chains to prevent anyone from running off with them. Rex knew the setup here; the pilots would be given a key to the lock which would allow them - and presumably them alone - to claim their Zoids as they needed.

As he reached the ground, he got his first actual look at Shanna. He was moderately surprised by what he saw, starting with the fact that she was actually quite attractive. Long, russet hair, a pleasant face, shapely body... and if not for the fact that she was clad in primitive leathers, carrying a huge-arse sword and just a hair taller then him, he could quite dig her.

"Well hi there." He nervously began. "Um, Shanna."

"Yes." She nodded. "And you must be Rex."

"I am, yes." He smiled nervously. "I guess that's not quite what you expected."

"Not really." She shook her head. "You pretty much look like what I had imagined. Except for that thing." She pointed to the top of his head.

"Oh that?" He asked, poking the woolen beanie he was wearing. "My mum makes them." People kept telling him that they were ugly or stupid looking, but he didn't see why himself. He thought they were awesome.

"I see." She nodded.

Rex was about to comment on her fashion sense, but decided to leave it off. He couldn't really argue; her outfit was largely functional, even if he wasn't sure hwy she didn’t just wear pants instead of a... um... he couldn't think of a word, but a large scrap of cloth that hung down at the front, with one at the back. Thingamybob. Whatever it was. On the other hand, she did have nice legs, even if there were blue patterns painted all over one thigh. At least, he hoped it was painted, given the similar ones on her arm and face. He'd hate to think that his traveling companion was a tattooed madwoman.

"Umm, Rex?" Shanna asked.

"Yes?"

"You have been staring at my leg for a few minutes." She continued. "Is there something wrong?"

"Oh, um... nothing." He replied, somewhat fluster at his obvious gaffe. "Lets, um, go... place and get... food." He offered.

She nodded and smiled. "Yes, food would be excellent. And while we are there, you can tell me more of Civilization and what I should expect."

He rolled his eyes, yet nodded in agreement. Anything seemed preferable to getting on her bad side, and he figured that, at the very least, she seemed reasonably nice. Or at least, reasonably nice for a big, scary woman carrying a big-as sword. The pair of them set off down the main street, Rex leading as he tried to reMember the one place he'd been to the last time he was here.

A loud clanking noise caught his attention as the pair of them walked. Looking up, he could see another Zoid enter the town, a massive Bigasaur that was equipped with a huge crane on its back. There was a shape hanging from the crane, a grime and much-encrusted Zoid that he figured to be a Command Wolf, probably freshly rescued from the bottom of a lake or something similar.

"I'm glad I don't have to clean that one up." He commented as the Zoid passed.

"Another Zoid?" She asked. "But why does it look like it has been deep-fried and crumbed?"

He almost laughed out loud at the image. "That's how we find Zoids. Weren't yours like that?"

She shook her head. "My Zoid has been in the trabe for several generations. The high priests bought it back to life in my father's father's time, by using the magic of the sacred Book of Instruction and the Owner's Manual."

And then he realised that she wasn't the problem. It was that her whole tribe was insane.

*****

The huge Bigasaur Recovery Vehicle came to a halt in front of one of the largest buildings in town, a free-standing tin work shed designed to accommodate even the biggest of Zoids. The machine lowered the crusty Command Wolf it had been carrying, a small swarm of handlers emerged to prep the Zoid for work. The Bigasaur itself trotted off, leaving the assistants behind to do the preliminary work.

Entering a second shed, the Zoid stopped and lowered its head, allowing its pilot to clamber out. Short and very overweight, she was dressed in a baggy jumpsuit that sported innumerable pockets and pouches, which only served to make her even plumper. Middle aged, with short curly hair and brown eyes, she looked more like somebody's overly affectionate aunt then a Zoid restorer. Pausing for a moment to wipe a bit of sweat form her brow, she waddled out, heading towards the newly arrived Command Wolf. The first stage of the restoration work, the process of cleaning it off, was easy; even the amateurs she had handling it now could do that with no problem. The real fun would begin after that, when she had to asses what shape it was in.

The communicator on her shoulder beeped, catching her attention. It was an idea of her own, to rig up a smaller communicator taken from a Zoid as a remote to the main one in her Bigasaur. That way, she could roam around in the field and still be able to stay in contact with the rest of her team. "Gabby McInnes speaking." She began as she took the communicator.

"Hey, Gabby. It's Larry-" the voice on the other end began before she interrupted.

"I told you never to call me here." She snapped.

"Well I didn't know where you were." Larry continued. "This thingamajig doesn’t tell me anything!"

That's because you're an idiot, she thought, rolling her eyes. "Fine then, we'll make it quick." She waved one pudgy hand in the air as she was talking. "Did you finish the job?"

"That we did." He answered, a confident tone in his voice. "We whacked that-"

"Good, good." Gabby cut him off. "That's all good."

"So, um, when do we get paid for all this?" He asked.

"Same as we previouly agreed." She finished. "Meet me at my main base in Big Town in a week. We'll soert everything out there."

"Right and, um..." He trailed off. "There's not going to be any... you know there."

Gabby sighed as she looked over the row of recently restored Zoids in the hanger; a Shield Liger, a Grounchar, a Malder and a Lancetag. "No, Larry, you’ll have nothing to worry about. Just get there and we'll sort everything out." She sighed again as she closed the communicator. Being the best Zoid Mechanic in the region was something of an accomplishment; the industry was booming, with a growing demand for reconditioned and restored machines. And while Big Town was the biggest single customer, there were plenty of other interested parties.

Gabby had worked hard to build up a reputation for being able to do what nobody else could, restore what was deemed unreasonable and make any machine function as if it was brand new, rather then just recovering from a thousand-year nap inside peat moss. And it was a quality that she was widely recongised for. Unfortunately, there were plenty of other operators out there who, while not as skilled as her, were a lot cheaper.

So it paid to occasionally thin out the competition. After all, she'd managed to get on the good sides of a lot of influential people with a lot of Zoids, many of which she had repaired herself. So every now and then, when it looked like some operator was coming too close to her, she arranged for something to happen to them.

After all, it was one of the best ways to test the quality of her work.

*****

Rex and Shanna walked into a small eatery off the main street, taking a seat by the main window. The place was rather crowded as the end of day traffic was beginning to wander in for their evening meals. Having stashed her sword under the table (Rex wasn't sure if she should be walking around the town carrying such a large weapon so openly, but at the same time he figured that he certainly wasn't going to tell her not to) she had begun studying the menu intently as if she had never seen one before in her life... which, he realised with a sinking certainly, she probably hadn't.

"Shanna?" He asked. "Have you found something you want?"

"Can I eat anything that is on this list?"

He sighed. "Yes, anything."

"Very well then-"

"But, you probably only want to have one thing." He hastily added. "And a drink."

"I suppose so." She read over the menu again. "They don't have any boar sides here?"

"...no..." He continued. "But ham is made from, um, boar."

"What's a camalari?" She continued, cutting him off.

"That's like a piece of octopus or squid-"

"And a chip?"

"It’s a bit of potato." He continued. "Cooked in some way."

"And what's a salad?"

This girl could never survive in the modern Big Town eating scene, he decided. "Its... a mixture of green leafy stuff, like lettuces and, um, things like that, really."

"Very well then. I will have the Camalari that has chips and an orange juice." She finished.

"Right." He walked over to the counter to order, adding a ham roll on top of hers, then returned. "So, um, Shanna, tell me more about where you come from."

"I am from the Spiral Mountain trabe; we dwell in a village in the heart of the jungle." She explained.

"Spiral Mountain?" He asked. "There's no mountains around here."

She nodded. "The name comes from our past. According to the legends, we lived in a far off place before the time of the Great Disaster. However, we were forced to travel from our homeland, and eventually settle where we are now. Our name reflects that tradition."

"I see. So is everyone there like you?"

"No, half of them are men." She stated, matter-of-factly.

I should have seen that coming, Rex thought to himself. Defintely. "I mean, can you all pilot Zoids there?"

"Oh no." She shook her head. "Only the very strongest of us are given Names of Power and are taught to pilot the Zoids that our village uses. We use them in the Heroic Combat aginst our enemies."

"Your enemies?"

"We are at war with other trabes who dwell in the area." She explained. "We battle to see who is the strongest, using our Zoids in the traditional Heroic Combat against each other."

"Heroic Combat?" He asked.

"Yes, it is the traditional combat between Zoid pilots." She continued. "Heroic Combat is one of our traditions, preserved from before the days of the Great Disaster. In it, two warriors fight to determine who is the stronger between them and their two trabes."

"So, in other words, its ritualised gladiatorial combat." He finished. "I see."

"There are rituals, yes." She nodded. "But form what you said you do not take part in Heroic Combat."

"No, well..." He glanced around, suddenly more then a little embarrassed. "Me, I'm just a repair man. I only learned to use a Zoid so I could drive it around the repair bay and test that it was working. And even then, I did very little of that. Hell, I spent most of my time just scrubbing them down."

"How did you learn to make a Zoid come back to life?" She asked. "Were you taught from the Book of Instruction or the Owner's Manual?"

"Not really..." He admitted. "I was just taught the skills by my boss, really."

"Then this Boss must be a mighty priest if he is so knowledgeable and can teach you such things." She nodded. "In our Trabe, all learning comes from the Book of Instruction and the Owner's Manual. If we did not have them, we could never operate the Zoids we have."

All of a sudden, he was curious to see the Brastle Tiger's documentation. Zoid specs were rare and few and far between, and were highly treasured. Of all the Zoid designs ever seen, only a few had complete surviving documentation, and as he had never heard of the Brastle Tiger before, what her tribe had would be a lot more valuable.

Of course, that meant negotiating with a village full of people like her for a look at their sacred texts. Not a good start.

Topic change. "You say your priests taught you all you know about Zoids..." He paused as a waiter arrived with their meals, depositing them and their drinks on the table. He took a sip from his drink before continuing. "I heard that many, um..." 'primitive' might not be the right word to use. "Remote tribes had, um... Shamans who were their spiritual leaders and stuff like that."

"Oh no." She shook her head. "The priests keep the sacred knowledge of the mighty Sky Gods, the ones who rule over us all." She nodded her head for a moment. "Shamans are just tricksters who rely on the easily fooled and superstitious."

Once again, he refrained from comment. Instead, he watched on as she began picking up her food and eating it - without using a knife or fork. "Um, Shanna?" He asked. "Your... utensils?"

"Mrrr whumf?" She asked, a mouthful of food.

"...never mind."

So I ran off to chase after a sight-unseen attacker who blew up my lunch room even though I had no idea who they were or what Zoids they had, stealing a Zoid from our paying clients in the process. He thought to himself. Then I meet up with a crazy woman who's far bigger then me and could probably snap me like a twig and who has a Zoid that looks like its about to bite me. All this and I have no idea where I’m meant to be going or what I'm doing when I get there.

He shook his head. Yeah, that's pretty much my life so far. At least today can't get too much worse.

*****

A hooded figure sat in one corner of the room, quietly sipping a cup of steaming hot green tea while surveying the room. They were paying particular attention to the pair who had recently arrived and were sitting by the window, specifically the woman. She was clearly a warrior, as evidenced by the massive weapon she had carried. While different in style to the figure's own weapons, it was clear that her massive sword was the weapon of an expert, one who was at the peak of their skill.

What interested her more was the woman's talk; she came from a remote village that was apparently as yet uncorrupted by the influences of the outside world. Her attitudes and beliefs were still pure, untainted by the evils of man's society. She, and her people, could be valuable allies in the great struggle.

The figure continued to watch the pair of them, interested to see what would happen next. They wanted to be absolutely sure of this woman, to asses her abilities and see if she was just what they were after. While she they learned a lot so far, they wanted to see what else there was.

******

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Despite his fears, Shanna had been more or less reasonable at the dinner table. He figured he'd try to teach her about the fork later; for now, he was content to let it slip. Despite her strangeness, he was finding that she was surprisingly friendly and easy to talk to; she was quite cheerful, actually, and willing to answer the various questions he put forward to her. In turn, he was trying to explain some of the social mores of civilisation that she was obviously missing while trying not to be rude about it.

In fact, everything was going surprisingly well. It was a pleasant end to what had otherwise been a quite incredibly awful day.

Which is why he felt a sudden creep of dread at the sound of a large group of people entering the restaurant at once.

"Yo!" A distressingly familiar voice called out. "DJ Griff is in his house, dawgs."

He turned around and then instantly wished he hadn't. Standing in the doorway was a huge man, towering over everyone else present in the room. His appearance could be best described as 'striking'; he had a mass of hair in an anachronistic style known as an 'ephro', a goatee beard and masses of shiny white teeth. His attire was no less arresting; a bright orange shirt that was open to his navel, purple pants and a mass of gold jewelry around his neck, wrists and fingers.

What really irritated Rex was that he knew the man. While Rex had gone off to become an understudy scraper, he'd managed to find a Zoid and a pile of very valuable artifacts. As a result, he was now surprisingly rich and had turned quite obnoxious. Rex himself had been going out of his way to avoid him.

He strode into the restaurant, a small bevvy of thugs with swords behind him. "Yo all better make way, dawgs." He continued, walking to a large table in the center of the room. "Because DJ Griff wants a feed, and ain't nothing that's gonna get in his way, y'dig?" He and his men stopped at the table, grinning at the current diners.

"Now, ladies and dawgs, DJ Griff has already booked this table." He sneered. "And the DJ sees that somebody has already taken his table, which makes the DJ very upset. And when he gets upset-" He snapped is fingers, the four thugs approaching. "There gonna be some mighty bad blood spilled, y'dig?"

As one, the group of diners stood, vacating the table.

"And the DJ does appreciate when you people do such nice things him." He grinned. "Now get outta my sight, before I change my mind and but up on yo shcnizzle, yo dig?"

He and his men barged their way past, sitting down at the table. He studied the menu for an instant, then casually threw it over his shoulder. "Yo, waiter!" He called out. A worried looking man scurried out of the kitchen.

"Yes, sir?" He nervously asked. "What can I do for you, sir?"

"Bring us out five - no, ten of your best meals." He demanded. "And you better not overcook 'em or nothing, or else I'll be one bad, angry man, y'dig?"

As the waiter scurried off, Shanna leaned closer to Rex. "Is this normal behavior for civilised people?" She asked.

"Definitely not." He shook his head. "But because he's rich, he has a Zoid and he has a bevvy of thugs with swords, he can act the way that he wants, regardless of what other people think of him."

"That sounds a little mean of him."

"It is and... oh hell." Rex trailed off as DJ stood up and walked over.

"My, my, my, what do we have here?" he began with a huge grin. "And who would this sweet little chicky babe be?" He asked, clearly not knowing or not caring that he was talking to a woman who, when standing, would be nearly as big as him.

"This who?" Shanna continued, looking around. "I don’t see any chickens here."

"I mean you, you sweet little thing." He continued. "Do you want to blow this pop stand and hang with a real man?"

"But I am already standing next to a man." She offered. "Rex there is a man."

DJ turned to him, fixing Rex with a death glare. "Dayum. Its you, boy. What rock did you crawl out form under?" He asked, a derisive tone in his voice. "And how did you lay a sweet piece of booty like that?"

"Well, uh, Derek." Rex replied nervously. "I mean, what a coincidence, running into my old friend in a place like this, right?" He smiled nervously."

"Yeah, right, fool." DJ sneered. "Like I'd ever want to see your scrawny little punk-arse here." He instead slapped a hand on Shanna's shoulder. "So, sweet chicky babe, what say we leave this looser behind."

"Can you please remove your hand. I do not like it there." Shanna glared at him.

"I'd do what she says, Derek." Rex nervously replied. "I mean it."

"You shout your mouth, fool!" He snapped. "I do what I want, when I want and- urk!"

He was cut off by Shanna grabbing his wrist and squeezing it as she stood. "I said, I do not like your hand there." She twisted his arm. "Nor do I like your manners. You are making my first day of civilisation a bad one, and that is making me upset."

"Really, Derek, just... you know, maybe just leave it off." Rex continued. "Ees arrying a eeliy ig ord." He added, through clenched teeth.

"For the last time, foo, my name's DJ!" He shouted, then swung at Rex with his free hand. The young man ducked, DJ's fist instead wildly scything through the air. Abruptly, he was yanked back by Shanna, pulling on his other arm.

"As I said." She continued, a feral snarl on her face. "Leave this place now."

"Hey no way, chicky-babe." He continued. "Ain't no woman who talk back to-"

So she punched him, hard, sending him reeling back with a loud cracking noise. He collapsed against his own table, blood flowing frm his nose. "Dat hurd!" He snarled. "Okay, bidch! Noboddy hids me! Ged dem!"

The four thugs charged forwards, drawing out their blades as they all ran at Shanna. The woman stood her ground, however, reaching under the table and pulling out her own sword, bringing the weapon around in a wide arc. Rex hoped that it would intimidate her would be attackers. It didn't.

One charged forwards, his blade back to strike. He was met, however, with the flat of Shanna's blade straight in his guts. With a loud "Woomph" he reeled back, crashing down on a table. A moment later, however, a second man charged at her, seemingly unconcerned about the fate of his friend. He swung around, his sword slicing towards her in a wide arc.

She ducked back, bringing her own weapon up and at his sword. There was a resounding clang as her massive, two-handed blade smashed into is far smaller weapon. The smaller sword spun out of his hand, imbedding itself, point first into a chair. Not letting up, Shanna pressed forwards, swinging her sword down at the man. He ducked to one side, leaping out of the way as her blade instead smashed through a table, cleaving it in half.

Several more patrons scampered out of the way as the fight continued, neither Shanna nor the swordsmen having any real concern for anyone else around them. A third lunged at her as she ducked around the second, his stab only narrowly missing her back as she spun around, instead wedging into the wall. Before the attacker could remove it, she bought her own weapon down, snapping the smaller sword in half before imbedding the tip of it into a chair.

The second swordsman, also disarmed, ran at her, seeking to take advantage of the situation. For his efforts, he received a boot in the guts from the woman before she swung around, the chair still wedged on the end of the sword. There was a splintering crash as she bought it down on his head, the chair smashing apart and the attacker going down.

A second disarmed fighter seems to take this as a good idea, charging at her with a chair. He swung it at her, the swordswoman barely ducking the blow, then sweeping low herself. The sword caught him behind the knees, sending him sprawling backwards onto a table, the chair crashing to the floor. The fourth swordsman ran past him, leaping at Shanna with his blade outstretched. She parried his blow, forcing him back for a moment.

"You dupid bidg." DJ commented as he wiped the blood from his nose. "Your donna ded id dow."

*****

Mirar Kurokami smiled to herself as she watched the woman handle the swordsmen. The woman was proving to be everything she had suspected; a brave, wild, untamed spirit, one that was willing to stand up for themselves and their honour regardless of the odds. She was a superb fighter, even if a little destructive. And her sword mastery was excellent.

This woman would make a perfect Member of her crusade. With them at her side, Mirar would finally be able to free her people form the horrible oppression that they were suffering under.

She stood up, removing her hood to reveal her goddess-like features. Pausing a moment, she cleared her throat before making a move.

Then a chunk of flying wood from a broken table smashed into her face, instantly knocking her out.

*****

The last swordsman glanced at the wreckage of his weapon, and then at his three compatriots who were lying on the floor, moaning. Then, he looked up at the woman who had managed to wreak so much havoc on them. Her hair was a wild mess, and there was a feral gleam in her eye, but, more importantly, she looked to be more or less completely unharmed.

He considered his options, and then dropped his shattered sword and ran screaming out the door.

Shanna turned to DJ, angrily glaring at him. "You have ruined my first ever civilised dinner." She began. "I was enjoying it until you came along."

"Well, I... uhh..." He paused, then glanced over her shoulder. Rex was hiding behind her, nervously peering out to see what was going on. "Hey Rex, you crazy little coward!" He yelled, a nervous tone in his voice.

"Um, yeah?" Rex asked.

"You're just as damn stupid as you were as a kid!" He yelled out. "And now you is such a chicken that yo have to hid behind a woman."

"Hey!" Rex called out. "I'm no damned coward."

"Oh yeah?" He began. "Well... If you're so damned tough, then you'll stop hiding behind her and come on out and face me! Yeah! Face me, one-on-one, man to man!"

"I, um..."

"Or, even better!" DJ continued. "Face me in a Zoid, if you dare! Come on, yo stupid little chicken-crap! If you gotr a machine, then whip it out so we can get it on, heroic combat style, dog!"

"He has a Zoid!" Shanna stated. "And he will face you!"

"Shanna!" Rex snapped. "I-"

DJ burst out laughing. "You got a Zoid?" He continued. "Man, that is jus' too good for words." A grin spread across his face. "Tell you what then, boy. You and me, we go at it tomorrow morning in the clearing outside town. And yo had better turn up, or else I gonna come back and hunt yo *Watch your language!* ass down and bust you but bad."

"I-"

"Very well then." Shanna finished. "Now begone! I do not want to see you before then, lest you incur my wrath even further!"

"Yeah well..." He sneered as he walked past. "See you then, dog." He finished then, as soon as he reached the door, broke into a high speed run to put as much distance between himself and the eatery as possible.

"Shanna!" Rex shouted, as soon as he was out of earshot. "What the hell was all that about?"

"He dishonoured you with is shameful words." She stated. "You had to fight him to regain your honour."

"No... that's... argh!" He shook his head. "That's stupid!"

"Why?" She asked. "Honour demands that-"

"See, that's the thing!" He continued. "I don’t know about in... place... that you live but, well, out here in the real world we don't have honour and stuff like that. Honour is just, like, a crutch used by idiots who want to make excuses for themselves and whatever failings they have!" He waved his hands in the air. "I could have lived with him bad-mouthing me to my face. In fact I'm used to it; he used to do it to me all the time. Except now I'm going to get killed by him because of some stupid and irrelevant matter!"

"Rex?"

"Now my day is just perfect! You hear me? Perfect!" He flailed his arms around a few more times, then sighed. "And I know that if I run out on him he's not going to stop until he hunts me down and gets me for it, if only just so he can prove that nobody messes with him. Great."

"Then you have to fight him." Shanna finished. "Because, either way you would end up fighting him."

"Yes, I suppose so." He accepted. "Ah well, at least I got to finish my ham roll before all this happened. I'd have been devastated If I didn't at least get my Ham Roll."

"And I did enjoy the calamari and chips too." She finished. "It was most delicious, thank you."

"Yeah well..." He glanced over the room. DJ's mooks were still lying on the floor, moaning. Despite the gruesome amounts of damage Shana had done to them, all three seemed to still be alive, which was a surprise. He was convinced that, with a sword like hers, there'd be severed limbs and blood all over the place. "You didn’t kill any of those guys."

"No." Shanna nodded. "Should I have?"

"Well, um... no." He stated. "In fact, it's good that you didn't."

"I thought so, but I wasn't sure. That's why I only knocked them around; if I had killed them, then it would be harder to apologise if I made a mistake afterwards."

"That... makes... perfect sense, actually." He shrugged. "So I guess you’re right." He fumbled though his pockets. "Um, do you have any money?"

"Money?" She asked.

"Hell..." He muttered. "Wait, primitive tribeswoman. Big-as sword. Of course she doesn't have any money. Hell, she doesn’t even have any pockets in that fur bikini of hers. Probably hasn't even heard of money, instead living in a primitive socialist economy and stuff like that. Shoulda thunk it."

"Rex?" She asked. "Is something wrong? You are talking to yourself."

"Um.." He grinned in a nervous way. "I'm fine, really!" He turned around. "Just, um, wait here a moment." He marched over to the counter. "So, um..." He discretely began, glancing at the man behind the counter. "How much do I owe you?"

The man looked out at the restaurant with its devestated furniture and fittings. He then looked up at the large woman with the large sword, the apparent source of the damage. "No charge." He quickly stated.

"You sure?"

"Definitely." He finished. "No charge."

"Well then, um... we'll be going." Rex nodded. "And, um, thanks." He walked over to Shanna. "Come on. Lets find a place to sleep. I'll want a good nights rest before I get murdered tomorrow morning."

"Very well then." She agreed. "And thank you for the dinner."

After the pair of them left, the owner emerged from the backroom. Picking his way through the debris, he instead walked over to one of the unconscious swordsmen and began going through their pockets. Extracting his purse, he then moved on, collecting the money that the other two, as well as the black-haired woman lying stunned in a corner, had on them.

*****

One of Freddie Cromarte's many changes he'd made when he inherited Big Castle form his father was the installation of a Zoid Stable in the castle proper. He'd had a team of his best architects and engineers work on it, the construction taking years and costing a small fortune. But he felt that the results had been well worth it; replacing an otherwise useless dungeon (His predecessors had decided that the castle needed more dungeons then living space) and a few redundant hidden chambers, the hanger allowed him to have a small Zoid force that would only be a few minutes from him.

He particularly enjoyed reviewing his newest "aquisitions". The newest Zoids that his contracted mechanics had restored were usually bought directly to the castle itself in order for him to look over them. While he would have happily admitted that he was no expert on the subject, it was still always good to have some idea what he was getting.

Tonight was one of those occasions where he found the cold simplicity of the stable to be relieving. The report he had gotten earlier had put him in a bad mood; but them the same could be said every time that particular name came up. That one person represented a bigger threat to everything he hoped to achieve then anyone else he could think of. It wasn’t that she was particularly intelligent, skilled or charismatic; in fact, he thought that she was lacking in all those departments. What was the problem was her knowledge.

He put that aside as he stepped into the stable, looking up at the latest array of Zoids that had been bought in. "Interesting batch." he began as a pair of aides approached. "So let's see what we have."

For once, he noted, this lot didn't have the seemingly inevitable Command Wolf, which he took as a good sign. Instead, leading up the lineup was a cat-like Zoid he didn't recognise, similar in size to the Wolf. "What's that one?" He asked as he approached.

"A Lidier, sir." An aide replied. "It’s a high-speed attack Zoid. They say its top speed is over three hundred kilometers an hour."

"Very useful." He muttered as he continued along the row. "Twinhorn, Sekta, Stealth Viper, Feelsworder, Saicurtis... Pretty standard bunch here. Not much to note except that Lidier."

"McInnes says she has a few good Zoids that are due to be shipped tomorrow." The aide continued. "A Shield liger and a few others."

"I see." He said, then paused as he reached the line. "What is that?" He pointed to the last Zoid in the row, a small, brown slug-like mechanism not too much bigger then a Connects.

"According to the information from Dashett's crew, its called a Garniarnu or something like that." The aide offered. "It apparently has a long range cannon concealed inside it."

"Very interesting."

"Yes sir. We're still analysing its capabilities, but Dashett thinks it could be very useful to us."

"Hmm..." Cromarte rubbed his chin. "He has tried to pass off junk on us before. But I think that it could be worth our while to see what it can do, at least."

"Yes sir." The aide noted.

"Can I ask why you continue buying from dealers like Dashett?" The other one spoke up. "I mean, most of those low-end dealers rarely have anything to offer."

"Yes, but by purchasing form them, I force them to make a decision against selling to me or selling to their third parties." He explained. "The biggest single threat to my plans are those independent Zoid pilots who roam the countryside. Not affiliated to any leader or ideal, they are a distabilising element that could ruin everything that I have worked for."

"By dealing with the low-end dealers, the ones who do things on the cheap, I remove a major source of new machines for those individuals." He continued. "Eventually, I will control all the sources of recovered Zoids in the region; after all, there are only a finite amount of ancient machines buried in the earth, and by my estimate it will be at least a century before we can replicate their technology. In the meantime, attrition will take its toll on their numbers, eliminating machines with no hope of replacement."

"And, by doing this, we will be able to bring peace to this world." He finished. "And that is why I must have this robot garden slug."

*****

Rex had arisen with a mixture of hope and dead. He'd hoped that he'd wake up and find that it had al been a horrible, horrible nightmare and that he was back in his bunk in the living room of the workshop, ready to rise and shine and spend another day scraping muck off Zoids. More importantly, he hoped that he wasn't in a duel to the death with his arch enemy form his younger days who now had a Zoid and an attitude and a posse of thugs with swords and knew how to use them all.

Instead, when he opened his eyes, he found himself lying in the same inn that he had collapsed in last night.

Crap.

Shanna was standing over him, already dressed in what passed for her normal attire and with her sword in hand. "Gaaaah!" He yelled, pulling up his sheets. "Can't a man get some privacy here?"

"Come on, Rex!" She began. "It is well past sunrise! You should be getting ready for your great battle to defend your honour."

"I'll never be ready." He muttered.

"You need to be up and fed and prepared for battle." She continued, ignoring him. "It is not wise to fight on an empty stomach."

"I'd fight better on an empty stomach." He protested. "Less to throw up then."

"Now get out of this bed!" She yelled as she grabbed the sheet.

"Um, Shanna!" He called out. "You shouldn't! I mean, I'm wearing-"

She pulled off the sheet, then let out a sudden gasp of surprise. "What..."

Rex blushed and tried to look small. "Well I did try to warn you..."

"But... but.." The warrior woman continued, a look of shock on her face. "Pink with little blue bears?"

"Yeah." He glanced down at his boxers. "I mean, they were the only clean thing I had at the time, okay? No need to keep harping on about it."

"But..." She began. "The colours... so..."

"Okay, okay!" He stood up, and began to pull on his clothes. "I get the picture! First chance I get, I'll buy some new underwear. Fine!" He continued to mutter as he pulled on his shirt, pants and jacket. "I mean, its not like you can talk, what with you wandering around win that outfit and all."

She furrowed her brows. "What is wrong with my outfit?"

"Uhhh..." He paused. "Nothing. Really. It’s fine. Perfect." For a warrior girl in silly leathers who is going to stick out like a sore thumb and has a huge sword that could easily rend me in two, he mentally added. "So, um, what's the plan?"

"First you eat." She said. "Then we shall fight."

He slumped. "I was afraid you were going to say that." He sighed. "I was hoping that you had some sort of master plan to skip out of town while, at the same time, throwing him off our track so he'd be unable to catch us."

"Why would I do that?" She asked. "To run away form this battle would dishonour-"

"There's that word again, Shanna." He cut her off. "You see, you're still not getting it. I have no honour!"

"Then you need to earn some." She angrily stated.

"But I don't want any!" He protested. "Okay, so I’d like some revenge but I'd be just as happy if the tool who blew up my favorite lunchroom tripped over and drowned in the bath or was eaten by a feral turnip or something, but... well..." He sighed. "The truth is, Shanna, I'm just not a fighter. Not at all."

"But you fought against those Zoids in the jungle yesterday." She shook her head. "And you were willing to fight those who destroyed your, um, lunchroom."

"Against those guys, I was more of desperate and scared then anything else." He admitted. "And when I went out chasing the guys who blew up the lunchroom, well... I was actually quite angry. But I can't fight. You saw me last night... I just hid in a corner and tried not to get killed."

"Actually, I didn't see you last night." She stated. "I was too busy trying to defeat those attackers."

He visibly deflated. "Well, my point stands."

Shanna paused for a moment, then nodded to herself. "Very well then. I shall teach you to fight."

"What?" He gasped.

"If you wish to defeat those who destroyed your home, then you will need to learn how to fight." She continued. "And, as a warrior of the Spiral Mountain Trabe, I am an expert on the matter. I will teach you to be a warrior, one worthy of the title and the machine that he uses."

"Right." He nodded in agreement, not sure if he liked the idea or was just playing along with her because she was big and scary. "And, um, I'll teach you to be civilised and stuff like that. It’s the last I can do for you."

"Very well then." Shanna finished. "So, shall we begin with the first step?"

"And what is that, teacher?"

"Breakfast." She stated, firmly. "You must always battle on a full stomach."

*****

[Deadborder]

"Hey boss?" One of Griff's thugs asked as he stood by the red and green Gustav. "How much longer are we going to give him?"

"You shut your mouth, fool!" Griff snapped. "Ain't no way that he's gonna chicken out on us... cause he knows what'll happen if he does." He grinned. "Naw, I been bustin' to get on this fool for some time... and I ain't gonna sstop until I bought him down."

"But boss..." One of the men who sported a black eye, spoke up. "Why is it so important to you?"

"Fool, there are some things that a man like you can't understand... things that a man has to do himself." Griff continued. "And this is one of them. I'm gonna make this stupid sucker pay for what he did to me. And when I through making him pay well..." He grinned. "I can take his Zoid, his chiky babe and all else that he has. That’s gonna be a suitable way for me to git my revenge on him."

"Boss?" Another thug spoke up. One arm was in a sling, and he had come up short a tooth. "You sure you want to do that?"

"Abso-damn-lutly." He grinned. "A sweet little chicky like that is just the thing I need." He continued. "A firm piece of arse like that is just begin for some sweet lovin from a man of my caliber, y'dig."

"She's got a big sword."

He smirked. "Oh yeah? Mine's bigger."

Another thug grinned. "And you know what boss?" He began, beaming despite the fact that he was obviously wincing in pain. "You're absolfrigginglutely right. You gotta beat this guy and steal his chick, because you’re the man. You're the best damned Zoid pilot there is, so you'll easily pound on him and show her just how awesome you are."

"You damned right." He replied, snapping his fingers and grinning at the man. "And because you're so dammed right, you get a big fat bonus at the end of the day, boy."

"Thank you, boss!"

He turned around, looking at the other three battered, wincing thugs. "So all yo homies listen up, here." He called out. "You see, I am always right. And you all gotta understand that. You argue back with me, you ain't ever gonna git nowhere. You agree with me and it'll be totally sweet, y'dig?"

There was a round of muttered replies.

"That's right, boys." He grinned. "So get my sweet-as piece of bling ready. I'm gonna bust this fool up but bad."

The four of them hobbled off to the Zoid's trailer, opening the storage box on the back. Griff grinned to himself as he watched their work, thinking about the victory that was about to come. "Oh yeah. This will be sweet as."

*****

The Brastle Tiger and Houndsoldier slowly walked out of the town, heading towards a clearing nearby. A few discrete enquiries had revealed that it was the favored locale for those who liked to have their Zoids beat on each other, as it was free from trees, passers by and easily inflammable peasant villages. Shanna figured that it was the place that Griff had referred to when he issued the challenge; he'd run off before they could confirm what he meant.

Shanna's Zoid had its head held up high as it walked, the machine constantly looking around for any signs of danger or the like. For comparison, Rex's Houndsoldier had its head drooped, the Zoid's mood reflecting its pilot's. Despite a hearty breakfast of ham rolls, he was still not in the best of moods and not looking forward to this battle.

"So when you guys fight another tribe, how do you do it?" He asked Shanna. He'd been pressing her with questions, trying to get a better idea of what she did as a warrior.

"We engage in the ritual of Heroic Combat." She explained. "Two Zoids face off against each other in the Arena with their trabes looking on. Then they fight, and whoever does not fall over wins."

"Pretty simple, but why do you all have swords and stuff then?" He continued. "I mean, if you decide everything by Zoid, you wouldn't need to fight."

"If one side disagrees with the outcome, then we fight." She offered. "But that only sometimes happens."

"Riiight." He finished. "Oookay. That's good. Hopefully we won't need to do that this time." He really hoped not. He felt bad for Griff's four men; if it wasn't bad enough that they were working for a complete jerk, Shanna had already beaten the snot out of them. And, if things went bad, there was always a chance that she would do it again.

"Yes. I would like to see this resolved as quickly as possible. Hopefully, Mister Griff will be a man of honour and not threaten us any further if yo uwin."

"There's that word gain, Shanna." He cut in. "People like Griff have no honour. You want respect form them, you need to beat it into them. They don't see it as dishonorable to stab you in the back or... wow."

He trailed off as the pair of them entered the clearing. Standing in the middle of it was the shiniest Zoid that either of them had ever seen. gleaming in the early morning sun. About the same size as the Houndsoldier, the Zoid's form was vaguely feline. It had a blocky body and angular features, picked out in white and red. Its most striking feature, however, was the array of brilliant golden cannons around its head, forming an almost mane-like array of cannons. Rex counted about a dozen barrels on the top, sides and below the head, all pointed straight at his Zoid.

"What the..." He began, his Zoid halting at the edge of the clearing. Compared to the dull Brastle Tiger and the rather utilitarian Houndsoldier, the colours of the Zoid they were facing were almost flamboyant and outrageous, and like no Zoid either of them had ever seen before.

"Yo." Griff's voice began over the Zoid's loudspeakers. "I can see you two homeboys are impressed by the power of my King Baron, the most Bling Zoid ever to walk the surface of Zi." Rex could almost see the confident sneer on his face. "Equipped with an array of beam cannons, quad energy shield generators, an advanced processor, power boosters and (ZEP), it's the phattest, meanest, baddest, most mean-arse motherlover Zoid around. And your little doggie there don't stand a chance against it."

"Do not let him try intimidate you." Shanna commented.

"He doesn't need to try." Rex shot back.

"That's right, Holmes." Griff continued. "You all better respect the power of my Phat Daddy Baron. And with it, I'm gonna get you for what you did to me all them years ago, sucker!"

"Look, I said I was sorry!" Rex exclaimed.

"No excuses, boy!" He called out, the King Baron roaring to emphasise his point. "I ain't gonna rest until I got even with you, for what you did!"

"Look, you're rich, you've got a Zoid, you've got a possie..." Rex nervously offered. "And I'm not in any way any of those things so, um, isn't that revenge enough as is?"

"Dammit! You shut your damn mouth!" He shouted as the King Baron charged forwards at Rex's Zoid, roaring loudly. The ring of cannons around the Zoid's face blazed to life, unleashing a wave of fire at the Houndsoldier.

"Yeeep!" Was the best that Rex managed as he leaped out of the way of the beams path. The ground where his Zoid had been was scorched and burned away, leaving behind a wide furrow of hard-baked earth. "Damn it!"

"Yeah, sucker." Griff replied, a confident tone in his voice. "And that's the power of the King Baron, fool!"

Having no better plan, he opened up the throttle, his Houndsoldier sprinting away from where Shanna's Zoid was still standing. The dog-like Zoid charged towards its opponent, growling angrily as they pair of them closed in. Seeing a chance, he opened fire with the triple-barreled cannon built into the Houndsoldier's chest, a trio of shots flying at the enemy Zoid.

There was a shimmering as a pink energy bubble appeared around Griff's machine, the shots slamming into it without any ill effect. A second pair of shots form the Hound Buster cannon did the same, the Zoid apparently ignoring the effects. "That must be an energy shield, then." Rex muttered to himself. He'd heard of them, but never seen one in action until now.

As the two machines closed, the energy bubble vanished. Instead, the King Baron's guns spat fire again, the beams spiraling straight at the Houdsoldier. Rex twisted the controls sharply to the right, the Houdsoldier being staggered as fire tore into its flanks. Looking at it, however, he could see that the damage was a lot less then it could have been.

He broke away, twisting around the Hound Buster as he ran, pushing the Soldier as fast as it could go. A pair of shots blasted into the King Baron's side before it could evade him, the cannons marring its otherwise pristine finish. "Now you gone and messed with my bling, man!" Griff called out. "I'm gonna have to hurt ya for that, big time."

The King Baron skidded around, chasing after the Houndsoldier but clearly loosing ground. As it dropped back however, it unleashed another devastating rain of fire form its cannons. This time, at long range, Rex had a better idea of what was going on and managed to swerve out of the way of the blast. He replied with several more shots form the Hound Buster, none of them coming any closer then the king Baron's fire had to him.

I don't get it... He thought as he swerved to avoid sloughing headlong into a row of trees. He could have opened up with me with some of the smaller guns as we passed or as he was turning.. but instead he let rip with everything when I was further away. He furrowed his brow as he tried to figure what was going on. That thing's got more weapons then it knows what to do with, but he's taking only sub-optimal shots with it. He coulda blasted me several times...

I'm faster then him, however. That's a plus. And running always helps.

The King Baron came around again, pointing its huge arsenal of head-mounted cannons in the Houdsoldier's general direction, then letting rip. Again, Rex managed to avoid the worst of it; several shots seared through the Houndsoldier's tail, while others blasted into the nearby forest, shredding and felling tress.

That's it! He figured. Griff's such a showoff that he has to try and kill me in one spectacular burst of fire from the big guns. And firing all of them at once drains a lot of power, so he can't do it that often. He began to consider matters. All I gotta do is get myself into a good place, and I can get him... provided that he blasts me first. Which is a problem in and of itself.

"All right, Griff!" He shouted out over the PA. "I'm sick of running. You want a fight? Fine! I'm gonna face you like a man!" The Houndsoldier skidded around, turning to face its opponent.

"Damn it, I thought you'd be all chicken crap. But this..." There was a hungry growl form the Baron. "This changes everything. Now this is what I like!"

"Better enjoy it while it lasts, Griff." Rex snapped back. "Because its going to be over for you soon!" He opened fire with both the Hound Buster and the triple cannon, the shots heading straight for the enemy Zoid. The King Baron didn't bother to dodge, instead bringing up the energy shield to block the attack. The shots washed over the enemy Zoid harmlessly before the shield dispersed.

"And now you're gonna get it good." Griff finished as the King Baron again opened fire with the staggering array of weapons. Rex twisted the controls, managing to barely slew out of the way of the enemy Zoid's line of fire, while at the same time accelerating. The Houndsoldier shot past the King Baron, opening fire at its tear at near point-blank range. The Hound Buster poured shots into the Baron's hindquarters, while a half-dozen missiles slammed into the other Zoid, capiltilising on the damage. Wounded, the King Baron stumbled in the mud.

"Damn you!" He shouted out. "Now you're gonna get it!" The Wounded King Baron came around, turning to face the Houndsoldier as it ran. The Zoid leveled weapons, but didn't open fire. "The hell?"

"I don't think you figured how much energy all those guns eat up." Rex finished. "Because now you wont have enough power for your shield or your cannons, boy." He smirked as he opened fire again, the shots blasting into the damaged King Baron. The Zoid bellowed out as it was stuck, stumbling and collapsing onto its side.

The Houndsolder came to a sudden halt, its twin Cross Lances deploying as it approached the downed Zoid. "Okay, Griff, I got you. Admit it."

"Dammit, that was my best Bling, man!" He snapped. "I ain't ever gonne forgive you for this!"

"You've never forgiven me for anything else." He stated flatly. "So why should now be any different?"

There was a long pause from the other pilot. "All right, damn you." He finished. "You won. But don't think this is gonna be the last you see of me, fool." A Gustav emerged form the nearby woods, trundling towards the downed Zoid. "I'm gonna git you for this, you see."

"Whatever." He muttered. "Hey Shanna?"

"That was amazing, Rex." She began as her Brastle Tiger walked over to his Zoid. "You handled yourself very well in battle."

"Well..." He srugged. "I did what I could."

"But you have shown that you have excellent potential as a warrior." She offered. "Given more time and training, you could prove to be a most capable combatant."

"You think?" He asked, a sudden tone of enthusiasm in his voice.

"Oh yes." She finished. So then there is only one issue that need to be resolved. What is it you did that made him so angry?"

"Ummm..." This would be hard to explain. "There was a girl and, well... stuff like that, really." He tried to dodge the issue.

The Brastle Tiger glared at him, its red eyes seemingly boring into the center of his soul. "What happened? Did she choose to marry you instead of him?"

"Nothing like that!" Rex snapped. "Its just that, well... she turned him down at the harvest dance."

"And he is angry because she chose to go with you?"

"No, she didn't go with me either." He finished. "But the point is that she turned him down first."

"Very well then."

In all the confusion, he'd forgotten about that. "Well, yeah, I guess." He finished. "So, um, what do we do now?"

"Simple." She stated. "Now that you have proven yourself to be a capable warrior, we can set out to find those who you seek, and then destroy them." The Brastle Tiger nodded in agreement with her.

And then there's the catch. He thought to himself. No way am I gonna get out of this now.

*****

Author's Note:

DJ Griff and his Phat Daddy Baron are a tribute to (read ripped off from) MC Smythe, a character created by Rantinan. Yeah. Don't mess with Rantinan, or else he'll kill you dead.

[Tilly]

Kill you dead? More likely torture you with fanfics until you want to do the job yourself :p.

I kept forgetting to edit this. I am sorry. Still want me to smite typos and stuff?

"And, by doing this, we will be able to bring peace to this world." He finished. "And that is why I must have this robot garden slug."

*cackles madly because she knows where this is going* I'm enjoying this...

[Xehn]

...Oh, god. This is better than the first. XD

[Deadborder]

tilly said:

Kill you dead? More likely torture you with fanfics until you want to do the job yourself :p.

I kept forgetting to edit this. I am sorry. Still want me to smite typos and stuff?

Please do. I'm pretty sure I got them all. I think.

Rick R.

[rantinan]

ah keeel j000 alll.

smerk.. with deadly fanfic. that was realy rathr amusing rick. well done.

[milicron]

Now, see... I'd pay good money to get this produced as an animated series.