the story of Tentei Karite

[Tentei_Karite]

Tentei woke with a start. He'd had that accursed dream again. He pushed his flame-red hair out of his crimson eyes, wishing he'd actually gotten some sleep this month. His father was starting to teach him how to pilot a zoid, and he'd need all of his energy for it. Tentei trudged down the stairs to the kitchen, greeted his mom, and sat down at the table. His dad walked in about a minute later. "good morning! how are we all doing today?" his father asked in a cheery voice.

"Well, I had that dang dream again" Tentei replied

"That can't be good. Well I assume that you're exhausted, am I right?"

"yep"

"Well that's a shame, 'cause I had something for you."

"Eh"

"Well, now all of a sudden you're wide awake. Alright, follow me." His father said, leading Tentei to the back door.

"HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!! DAD, ARE YOU SERIOUS?! THIS IS FOR ME??" Tentei shouted as he saw the Leoblaze that his father had bought.

"Yep, yours, what do you think I'd trained you for?"

Tentei hopped in the cockpit, as his dad jumped into the cockpit of his own, jet-black leoblaze.
They both took off like lightning.

[Deadborder]

Here's a tip. Don't write in bright text with extra glowyness or the like added. Its a pain to read.

Now your sotry has potential. You've got description, you've got paragraphs and you've got some degree of punctuation. It oculd use a little more flash on its bones, but as an intrioduction or prelude, it has some merit.

JUST MAKE IT EASIER TO READ!

Rick R. (All Glowy text = Thumb Hammer)

[Tilly]

That was all glowy?

Heh, I'm glad glow doens't show in K-meleon. Eeeevil tag, that.