my fanfic

[zoidsrcool12345]

ok it takes place in this world were there r gundams and zoids


chapter one

A guy named John was walking threw town when sudnely a gumdam riding on a riding shild liger (its a costom zoid that gundams can ride on ). The guards sounded the alarms the town was under attack by the zeon eimpire the town olny had the gundam on the shild liger and some old tanks.John then got in the tank ared the cannons and fired at the enemy zoids. "YES DIRECT HIT "shouted John but the battle wasnt over yet then the gundam shot his beam rifle at the remaning darkhorns he missed two of them the other two were damaged but could still figth. the darkhorn shot at one of the tanks and belw it up. John's friend mike was in that tank so John got in the gunners seat and never let off the triger and desroued the darkhorn then the shild liger turned on it shild the gundam pulled out its beam saber then they charged the remaning dark horns sliced off a head then a leg and another leg then the tanks desroyed the bodys but left the one with its head cut off so they could get the gattling guns to make in to turrents to guard the city from ferther attacks

thats the end of chapter one
what do u think?

[Tilly]

It needs punctuation. And paragraphs. Without proper formatting, it's tricky to read...

[zoidsrcool12345]

chapter two John's revene


John was mad. His best friend dead the town trashed all in one day. He felt like it was his falt that all this happened. So John went to build the turrent to take all this anger off his mind. Two days later John got the turrent bulit ,"its finshed" John said smileing "just got to test it" so John held a shooting contest to see who could shoot it the best there were 15 entrys, one guy shot so bad he missed the target , it came down to two peolpe , Wes Jonmore and C.J Davis ,they were both real good shots but Wes missed by a hair and C.J. got a bullseye and was the gunner for the turrent.



what do u think