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Post by tiny5th on May 21, 2004 14:45:05 GMT -5
more more!
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skatemonkey89
Captain
life for you has been less than kind, so take a number, stand in line
Posts: 597
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Post by skatemonkey89 on May 23, 2004 12:55:52 GMT -5
its coming. and i know that battle wasnt great cuz i wasnt in a writing mood, but the next will b alot better  |
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Post by Deadborder on May 23, 2004 23:07:13 GMT -5
OK... I know I commented after part one, but I've read the rest.
While your pacing is good, there's a lot that needs work. the characters are still not very well covered or introduced. We don't know much about them beyond a name, a vauge description and what Zoid they pilot. You also don't have much charectirsation, which doesn't help us learn more about them.
While the initial battle was well done, the latero nes are less so. They feel very rushed and uninterestingly one-sided. The poor Bearfighter team didn't stand a chance form the word go (What with goign up against a Beserk Fury, a Liger, etc etc...) and the way it was written made it rather uninteresting. It may have been better if you brushed over the battle and focuesed on the chracters.
It is potentially an interesting sotry. It just needs work.
Rick R.
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skatemonkey89
Captain
life for you has been less than kind, so take a number, stand in line
Posts: 597
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Post by skatemonkey89 on May 26, 2004 16:48:16 GMT -5
like i siad, i knwo that the last chapter sucked hard. the next is going to b alot better. ill wait till im in a writing mood, and will put tons of work into it. i just havnt been in the mood yet.
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skatemonkey89
Captain
life for you has been less than kind, so take a number, stand in line
Posts: 597
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Post by skatemonkey89 on Jun 27, 2004 8:35:29 GMT -5
ok, its over, im done. ive known this story sucked, so i just quite it. if even IM not interested in it, i know it sucks. i have a new 1 coming up that im getting ideas for. i havnt started it, but im gonna try to make it a heck of alot better. im also thinking of a name, all i got is
GTZ:
and thats it. what a great name huh?
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