Fall of the System(a Fan Fic)

[uglyzoid]

This is my first fic, so don't judge too hard.
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Chapter 1: Fall of Arms
An eerie calm falls on the battlefield. A soldier looks above the wall of his trench. He sees what was the largest force ever conjured by New Helic Army. Now it has been obliterated by an unknown zoid force. This is not an uncommon site during this time of turmoil. Since the fall of the Guylos Empire, the republician army along with the Guylos Defectors have tried to keep the peace.
But Guylos insurgents and a new force called the clan of the black snake have been ripping into the peace process.
The discovery of bloxs technology have made it easy for anyone to have efficient and advance zoids for lower prices then regular zoids.This has made it now impossible for the Republic to help these devestated people.
The soldier, Prt Loius Witzski, runs across the battlefield to another trench where he joins a few survivors.

"What the heck did this, sir?' asks the Privite.

"I have no ----- clue!" replies Jeyes, his CO, angerly.

"Sir, there is a Whale Emperor* coming in to evac the surviving forces. Your Orders?" shouts his radio man.

"Lets get out of here, men." he says to his troops.

They join about 43 other soldiers, 5 Command Wolf AC, and a heavly damaged Gordos.

"This is an embrassment," says Jeyes to the Captain of the massive Whale Emperor," Something wiped out over 300 zoids including 8 Gojalas MK-2, 2 Ultrasaurus, and one of those new Gairyuki! How does that happen?"

Meanwhile Loius is exploring the hanger area, and he see a giant eagle zoid.

"What is the winged wonder" he askes to himself

"Well that is the Buster Eagle, the ultimate high altitude bomber" says a girl in a mechanic's uniform,"Hi, I am Amy, chief of repairs for this flying battleship."

"Privite Loius Witzski of the 12th Republic Infantry Division" he replies.

"Nice to meet you" she says, "Now, why would you, a infantry man, have such a fascination of the Aerial Zoid?"

"Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to fly with my father, who was in Thunderbird Squadron" he answers nostalgicly,"Unfornauntly he was shot down in a Pteras by a group of Redlers when they attacked our village 20 years ago" a tear comes to his eye,"They were attacking the hospital and my father wouldn't take it, so he took out all of their Redlers except for this black one which shot him down. So after that I vowed to get vengence on those Imperial --------s." He wipes the tear from his eye. Then BOOM! The alarms starts going off and the crew is scrambling.

"Follow me" says Amy as she grabs his and heads for the Buster Eagle. They dodge falling debris and jump into the cocpit. They blast open the hanger door and jet out of the dying transport. They see a few Raynos make it out but only to be shot down by heavy anti-air barages. Loius looks over Amy's shoulder as she flies away and sees it. A large silowette moves toward the body of the fallen Whale Emperor and then they can see just a bright dome expanded over it. He knew what he saw, but he could not believe it.

"I know this maybe a blast from the past, but we just delivered 12 of these babies to Thunderbird Squadrons base in the upper mountains of the Guylos territory." says Amy, trying not cry after seeing her commrades perish, "We have enough fuel to make there"

"Then lets go!" replies Loius.

End Chapter 1
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* Whale Emperor-(a creation of mine) Blue Whale Type Zoid, Republician, Heavy Bombardment and Large Transport Vessel, 1.25 times longer then the Whale King.
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More to come

[uglyzoid]

Chapter 2: Terror of the Empire
The two have been flying for over an hour when they see the aftermath of this new enemy. All around Guylos, villages are burning, people are dying or have been forced to leave, the final days of the once great empire have begun. Suddenly from nowhere, the are being hit by Anti-Air Artillery.

"Holy Cow" says Amy as she tugs the zoid to avoid being hit. It is a group of what appear to be Gairyuki, but to his surprise they are all Berserk Fury.

"Amy, does this bird have any weapons?" he askes franticly.

"Of course, two buster cannons, missiles, bombs and cluster bombs." she replies.

"Well can we use them?" he shouts toward her angerly. She pulls the Eagle towards the right to dodge another blast.

"Fine, I will shift weapons control to you, but I swear if you give me that tone again, I will slap you so hard, you'd wish you were hit by CPC!" she retorts back.

"Time to die, furies! Amy!" he commands, "Get us in close, so I can blow them to pieces." The Eagle swoops in as if it was about grab it prey, when suddenly they are hit hard and fall down right in front of the five Berserk Furies. They seemed to be fighting over who will finish them off when they for some reason step back in submissive manner. From the shadows comes the victorious hunter, a green Geno Breaker.

end chapter 2

[uglyzoid]

So what do you guys think about it so far?
well here is Chapter 3
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Chapter 3: Thunder over the Valley
Louis returns from what seems to be long sleep. His head is pounding and blood trickles from his upper lip. He looks around at one of the dash boards to see that the wings of the Buster Eagle had been ripped off. He glances up to see one of the mighty buster cannons has been bent ackwardly down. Then he looks ahead through the cracked canopy to see his assilants. Five Berserk Furies and the Green Geno Breaker looking at each other like predators deciding who gets first dibs on the carcass. Suddenly one of the Furies's mighty claws rips the right leg from the eagle and pulls it near its head as if investigating it, then throws the limb to the ground, for it seemed to have no use to it. Amy was still knocked out from the crash so Louis slowly unbuckled her from her seat. He knew that either way, these mauraders would find the pair and kill them as was the orders of the empire on captured pilots or soldiers. Then he looks to his side to see an anti-zoid rifle in glass. He thought that his best chance was to fire at one of them, grab Amy and run. So nestling the gun on his shoulder he aim into on of the holes of the cocpit at the Geno Breaker. He put Amy in his other arm and kicked the cocpit open.

"Eat this you son of..." Bam! The bullet hit the eye of the Geno breaker and the zoid shook its head furiously. He made a mad dash to the thick forest but then was surrounded by the Beserk Furies.

"You republician scum" said the pilot of the damaged zoid as his cocpit opened, "You New Helic types are all the same. Interfering with others affairs. The revolution will happen and will over take the world of Zi!"

Suddenly a large clap of thunder explodes across the ever darkening sky. The boasterous pilot returns to his zoid. Louis takes Amy and makes his escape. Dark Silowettes appear in the clouds.

"Look to the skies, beware their fire capabilities." shouts the Breaker's pilot. The sky then lights up and beams of death come down upon the Tyrannosaur Zoids. One of the blasts rip through the zoid core of a Berserk Fury cause a huge explosion that desimates the rest of the Furies and then are pick off one by one. The attackers finally come down out the clouds with incredible speed and acurracy. Their cannons unleash a full assualt on the lone Breaker and he is cut to shreads.
From the trees Louis watches the slaughter, and he notices a familiar ensignia. They are Buster Eagles of Thunderbird Squadron.

End Chapter 3

[Tilly]

You're switching past and present tense-pick one and stick with it. Most of it seems to be in past tense, so that's what I'd edit for.

[uglyzoid]

Is that a problem?

[Tilly]

I suppose you can get away with tense switches if you're going from flashback to not, but they still need to be consistent.

[uglyzoid]

Okay