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Post by Shayan987 on Jan 17, 2004 2:15:17 GMT -5
It has been three years since Hiltz and the Death Saurer were destroyed. Van got married to Fiona and one year after the wedding Major Herman reports to Van that a red orginoid was running and destroying bases. Van and Zeke knew Fiona was still asleep. So they went off. The mysterious orginoid was invincabile, no matter how many times it got shot not even a scrath. Fiona woke up to hear the scary news. It vanished into nowere.....Suddenly!!!!!! a blast hit Van and the Liger went flying..It destroyed so much that no one could help. Fiona Screamed and shouted but then......on the top of the hill it was Hiltz laughing. "So he thought he could stop me? Not when I get another chance." Fiona wondered what Hiltz meant...to be continued. Well what do you think?
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Post by blademirage2 on Jan 17, 2004 8:20:19 GMT -5
i think that you didn`t watch the show proply.
hiltz was vaporised by the arwsome power of the blade liger and the gravity cannon
other than that its good
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Post by Andy F² on Jan 17, 2004 9:04:33 GMT -5
Yeah, sounds good to me!
If he went on the premise that the Blade Liger killed the Deathsaurer by flying through it but missed Hiltz, it might work.
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Post by Shayan987 on Jan 17, 2004 10:38:41 GMT -5
:DBlade I don't think you watch it propoly, Hiltz survived and Ambient fused with the Death Stinger andrevived it even ask Andy if he has seen the Final Four. Thanks Andy Im glad you like it so far. I will have some more of it later. Farewell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Iron kong king
Lance Corporal
If you mess with me it by by for you
Posts: 60
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Post by Iron kong king on Jan 17, 2004 11:55:01 GMT -5
it pretty good so far.
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Post by Shayan987 on Jan 17, 2004 13:47:37 GMT -5
Fiona,Thomas and Moonbay were searching for Van a valley was up ahead they think Van went up here. Shocked!!! There was a zoid and a woman laying down near it. Here name was ? she didn't remenber here name the zoid{the dead Sniper will be my custom} was teribly damaged Fiona and Thomas went into the valley. Moonbay took her back. There were so many things they saw Dead zoids,and up ahead it vas Van and the liger! They ran to see Van injured. Then agaian they saw Hiltz laughing."Fiona you were right it was Hiltz" Thomas said. "Not another I am busy"Hiltz said. Fiona saw The nigthmare that had haunted her for years the Death Stinger,Those Red Eyes Gleaming in the darkness. Thomas fired a megolomax . Nothing happened not even to Hiltz "But Hiltz couldn't have survived that" Even better Raven showed up to help. "Hiltz!!!!!" and Raven fired a CPC blast at Hiltz. NOTHING."but Van defeted you..." Fiona carefully said."Like you Raven Ambient sacrificed himself!!He threw me out of the Death Saurer like Trash!!!! right before Van came strikingat us." Hiltz said. Then they heard a mysterious voice. then He dissapeared. Back at base the Liger was being reparied, Van was in the Hospital. Fiona told everyone about Hiltz.Ten days later, Van was revived. He told stories to officals,but they denided them. Four days later a UFO flew above the city it looked like a dimond. Van and Zeke were catapolted up into it. ..........It was amazing the walls were made of dimond and Gold. And Hiltz was there! " And it was heading to the Valley of rare Herts. Hiltz laughed ...."Ready to fight ?" Van and the Liger got ready. Thomas and Irvine and Fiona,and Moonbay followed them...To be continued...=What happens in the next C. The fightis onI won't spoil everything.
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Post by Tilly on Jan 17, 2004 20:19:36 GMT -5
You should use a new paragraph when people are speaking, as well as for different scenes and stuff. It's a lot easier to read that way...like this:
"Ack, what are you DOING?" Riese glared at the saurian Zoid, which was happily stomping on a group of blue bugs. "RAVEN!"
"Oh, nothing..." He was so bored...
...I need to finish that fic.
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Post by Saix on Jan 18, 2004 1:19:54 GMT -5
I'd have to say that I am utterly confused, in the first part you said "It was 3 years since Hiltz and the DeathSaurer were destroyed" and then you argue to Blade about Hiltz surviving and Ambient fusing with the Death Stinger...anybody else confused? As for your fic...I kinda sorta think that it is missing a lil' detail...you should add some stuff about Van and Fiona's wedding. Maybe add in a few offspring. Most Zoid romanicist stories always get me...  *clears throat* anyways...thats my few compliments/complaints, or etc. i am busy making another sig-banner...to the graphics program!!! |
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Post by Shayan987 on Jan 18, 2004 13:52:00 GMT -5
I predicted you would be counfused. Wow were to beginx2 First off all I haven't finished it......2.I am not good at writing stories. and finally I admit that I can not write good stories. I really didn't get the final four episodes. I just might as well tell you what happens Van fights Hiltz and Wins suddenly Prozen who still is th Dark Kaisher revives the Death Stinger and the fight goes on. Van is almost defeted...before hiltz finishes him off he explains that He and Prozen survived because Eve gave them another chance. and then right before Hiltz could fire the CPC, Thomas fires toppling the cannon Van escapes and the fight was all a destraction while Prozen awakened the Death Saurer...again Van has to defet the Death Stinger. It sacrifiices itself to the Death Saurer. It is invinsable no one can hurt . Van defeats the Death Saurer. EXT...EXTx30
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Post by blademirage2 on Jan 18, 2004 15:59:33 GMT -5
that makes more sense. sort of
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Post by Saix on Jan 18, 2004 21:25:24 GMT -5
now im even more confused!!! gaah...
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Post by Shayan987 on Jan 19, 2004 13:06:49 GMT -5
Matrix. sorry if youre confused I can do nothing.....or let me explain the story.=In the last epoisode of ZoidsGF Van got fired out of the GC. and destroyed the Death Saurer. In my story Ambient sacrificed to Zoids EVE to give HIltz and Prozen another Chance so no matter how much damage happens to the Death Saurer they won't die.Prozen who awakens the Death Saurer while Hiltz and Van fight,screwed up he made it so no one can contral the Death Saurer. So it sacrifices Prozen and Hiltz to it's own mind and now it knows how Van defeted it so.....Van had a hard time fighting it. Fiona and Zeke know 3x the brain power is better then one. So in reality it would be about three full epoisodes to defeat the DS. Happyyyy? My next story is about Vega its titled The Furys nightmare... See Ya!!!!
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