Lost With Wild Berries! A Zoids fic!

[Zoidmagnite]

This is a quick little fiction story I worked up.

Note: This story features Attack/Command Zoids for a little variety in my Zoids Universe Fiction!

Feel free to post comments in this thread! Hope you enjoy the story!

[KAndrw]

I love it - it's full of whimsy and it doesn't insult the reader by explicitly naming her parents.

I'm not sure that I like the name Vayona, but that's a matter of personal taste, and probably just because I'm annoyed at Jean M Auel's entire last book (which included Jonayla as the daughter of Ayla and Jondalar).

Some of the sentences could be simplified a little so that the meaning flows unambiguously - for instance:

"Her mother would be beside herself if she ruined the brand new dress she had made for her with berry stains."

- could be:

"Her mother had just finished making the dress she was wearing, and she would be beside herself if it were ruined with berry stains."

[Maethius]

Your writing style is very visual... you can actually see the anime unfolding as you read. Very well done!

[Zoidmagnite]

I love it - it's full of whimsy and it doesn't insult the reader by explicitly naming her parents.

Thank you very much!

I tried to build on the elements of the original series with this story.

I wanted that same 'resonance' the original story had to shine through with this one. I had hoped it would make the reader feel that 'return' to that particular universe. And while they were there, in the story, I thought I'd try to give them a nice surprise toward the end.

I agree with your suggestions, and I will probably make use of them, but I need to let the story sit for a bit so that my eyes and my muse can look at it with a fresher perspective. Thanks for reading and I hope you were entertained!

[Zoidmagnite]

Your writing style is very visual... you can actually see the anime unfolding as you read. Very well done!

Well thank you very much!

Hope you liked it!