Post by Zoidmagnite on Aug 13, 2008 18:28:48 GMT -5
The thing I find most interesting is how much your writing has improved since you started posting your fics.
You're thinking about paragraphing and balancing dialogue with description. Those are the tough parts to master (well and keep the story flowing at any rate).
If you will excuse me, I shall take a look at a piece of your text from Chapter 1. Some thoughts for you in smoothing things out even more:
The Saiki team find themselves with Zoids damaged beyond repair. Sen,is having trouble finding money for new Zoids,. Sen then receives a call from his father.
“I hear your Zoids are out of commission,.” said Sen’s father.
“Yeah, dad and we don’t have the money to buy new ones either,.” Sen complained.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got Zoids for your team. You will have to pay off the money but we can figure out a payment plan. They’ll be there by tomorrow. No need to thank me,” Sen’s father replied and hung up the phone.Sen doesn’t even have a chance to ask what Zoids his team will be getting. He goes to deliver the “good” news.
So Now it looks like this:
The Saiki team find themselves with Zoids damaged beyond repair. Sen, having trouble finding money for new Zoids, receives a call from his father.
“I hear your Zoids are out of commission.”
“Yeah, and we don’t have the money to buy new ones either.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got Zoids for your team. You will have to pay off the money but we can figure out a payment plan. They’ll be there by tomorrow. No need to thank me,” Sen’s father replied and hung up the phone.
It would still need some tweaking and the point of view (aka POV) is a little wobbly, but these are just some thoughts I wanted to share with you. I think you're well on your way to being a good writer. Keep at it!
Good Story!
You're thinking about paragraphing and balancing dialogue with description. Those are the tough parts to master (well and keep the story flowing at any rate).
If you will excuse me, I shall take a look at a piece of your text from Chapter 1. Some thoughts for you in smoothing things out even more:
The Saiki team find themselves with Zoids damaged beyond repair. Sen,
“I hear your Zoids are out of commission
“Yeah,
“Don’t worry, I’ve got Zoids for your team. You will have to pay off the money but we can figure out a payment plan. They’ll be there by tomorrow. No need to thank me,” Sen’s father replied and hung up the phone.
So Now it looks like this:
The Saiki team find themselves with Zoids damaged beyond repair. Sen, having trouble finding money for new Zoids, receives a call from his father.
“I hear your Zoids are out of commission.”
“Yeah, and we don’t have the money to buy new ones either.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got Zoids for your team. You will have to pay off the money but we can figure out a payment plan. They’ll be there by tomorrow. No need to thank me,” Sen’s father replied and hung up the phone.
It would still need some tweaking and the point of view (aka POV) is a little wobbly, but these are just some thoughts I wanted to share with you. I think you're well on your way to being a good writer. Keep at it!
Good Story!
